Only The Weight Of The World

Aberration of my shadowed 
preconceived notions about love.
Screaming for freedom 
without knowing what it’s like 
to be held captive 
and being captivated 
by the escapees 
of a prison made from teeth. 

Oh, empathy, tempting me 
into unstable grounds
and I’ll be the one responsible
if I drown. 
If my lungs fill with fluid
that solidifies when it touches my blood
turning my heart to hurt to stone. 
I’ll find no shelter in a home,
I’ll have no joy inside my bones,
The sorrow I’d know would be no fault, but my own. 

An anecdote about an antidote, 
a cure to my sickness
for masochism and bad decisions.
A worthwhile story
on the difference between lonely
and truly alone.

Carpe Diem to kill the pain
or numb it so I can carve my name
on city streets and dark alleyways
an attempt to atone for my mistakes,
of misguided misanthropy and blatant disregard
for any manner of being halfway loving,
to anyone but me.

The speeches of preachers never taught me
forgiveness,
only the weight of the world.
The testaments of the saved never taught me
honesty,
only the shame of liars.
The words of the sainted never taught me
love,
only the hurt of cheaters.

You’ll probably sleep fucking soundly
While I’ll be awake
For the whole night,
Sick with anger and worry.

You did this.
You are vile and filthy.

And still I can’t bring myself to say
“I Hate You.” because it’s too powerful and yet too easy.

I am better than hate.
But I am a human, vulnerable to great injury.

And injured, I am.

FUCKCKSAAJKASFBKLADGHKL HJFUCK FUCK FUCK UFKC
FUCK YOU!!!!!! 
FUCK YOUR FUCKING MISTAKES

FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOUR BULLSHIT PROMISE
FUCK YOUR BULLSHIT MEANINGLESS SEX
FUCK YOUR BULLSHIT PRACTICED SPEECHES

FUCK.

FUCK YOU A THOUSAND TIMES FUCK YOU
FUCK YOUR PROMISES OF CARING ABOUT ME
FUCK YOUR EYES

I HOPE YOU HURT
I HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME FUCKING STING
I HOPE YOU FUCKING CHANGE ONE DAY
I HOPE YOU FUCKING FEEL THIS FUCKING BURN. 

I’M FUCKING DONE.